Dear Earth Angel:

I read your recent two posts. I was moved by how intelligent, insightful and mature you are in these posts. I don’t think I ever read such maturity from you in the past. My goodness!

I understand you are attending therapy? I think it is very helpful to you. So is the mindfulness program and your involvement with the LGBT community in the college.

These are your questions, followed by my answers:

1. “How do I know that I am being true to myself and not just taking on the burdens of others”- I would say that at this point in your life, it is best you simply do not take on the burdens of others. Focus on your healing and your progress in life. The moment you feel the distress of taking on the burden of another, stop the activity that is the taking on of the burden: for example,  if you are listening to a person talking to you about his/ her problems, kindly disengage from that person and go elsewhere.

2. “When people put the burdens on me, how do I protect myself or  not make myself carry their burdens?”- as I just suggested, at this point in your life, don’t. Don’t carry others’ burdens by removing yourself from situations in which you are carrying others’ burdens. Make it easy for yourself, do not carry some burden, carry none. Don’t stay some in a situation where you carry someone’s burden, instead, remove yourself from that situation completely.

3. “How do I stop feeling self-conscious and stop my inner critic from thinking that others are judging me negatively?”- we discussed it many times before, didn’t we… this is a tough one. If you can, whenever you can, disengage yourself from the thought, recognize it, notice it, and disengage, distract, think of nature, and relax best you can in that image.

Also, regarding your self consciousness about your body, particularly about your gender- aim at accepting your body, for now, as it is. Aim at it, think it as something desirable to come to peace, for now, with your body and gender.

I am not suggesting that you will no longer be a transgender, not at all. What I am suggesting is that you aim at accepting reality as it is now, all aspects of it. Your biological gender is part of reality. Accept it best you can as it is.

4. “When people criticize me, how do I know which fights to spend my energy on in my defense and which ones to walk away from?”

Like I wrote in the beginning of this post to you, you sound so intelligent, insightful and mature on these two posts, that I would like to you remain on this path that you are on, the path of healing. Therefore I suggest you walk away from situations where you experience taking on the burdens of others and I suggest you walk away from  critical people.

I don’t think this is the time for you to fight when it is not necessary, when it is easier and effective to move away.

5. “Is it selfish to distance myself from them and surround myself with a protective bubble and not listen to negativity?”- no, it is not selfish. As you proceed into your twenties and thirties and onward, you will benefit others with your wisdom and abilities. But at this point, help yourself, get the help you need at the college and proceed in healing. Later, way later you can help others. Not now.

6. “How do I do this without appearing like I’m just ignoring them and being disrespectful?” By excusing yourself from people respectfully. You can say for example: I am sorry, but I can’t stay, or I hope you feel better soon. My best wishes are with you. See you later.

* Regarding your parents, your biggest criticizers, best if you had no contact with them whatsoever. Second best, way second best: have as little contact as possible.

anita