Dear Jen:

Your most recent sentence is: “Now he just thinks I’m crazy, we don’t speak anymore.”

I suppose your behavior, as you described it, was indeed crazy. But this kind of crazy is not a life sentence, doesn’t have to be, not at all. You have exams in six weeks, better be sane so that you can study for these exams. Better not carry on this… crazy into the future.

The behavior you described was fueled by fear, by ongoing, intensely felt fear, overwhelming. Your brain/ body reacted to it in drastic, ineffective ways, illogical, destructive. The way I finally forgave myself for … my own crazy behaviors of the past was by embarking on the healing process, healing from that anxiety that fueled my then behaviors. Beginning the process and persisting in it is what earned me self forgiveness.

Regarding the origin of your anxiety, your understanding is that it started in 2016 when after a short amount of dating he left you for an ex girlfriend. If so, if you believe this is the first time you felt anxious, will you share about the experience of 2016, the nature of the relationship then and the breakup?

anita