Dear Anita,

I am not ready to read your words yet – as all the emotion has been way too much….

I came to this realisation last night that I need to live for myself. Every morning I need to get up, put on my style and my eyeliner, write lyrics and practice guitar. These are the things that make me feel like myself, although I hold myself back from doing them so much.

At some point when I’m ready I will read back through all your unanswered messages, and reply – of course.

Right now I know I need to grow and focus on me and channelling my anger into my music and lyrics.

Today I woke up, had a bath, put on my style, and then killed the ants that were in my larder and gave it a good clean (been meaning to do this). I’ve started doing housework again, which is good.

My assessment is on the 3rd May. I go back to work on the 8th.

For now, I am staying awake from Facebook and staying away from that group of people etc. In the past I’ve tried so hard for forgiveness/ acceptance. I’ve done what I can – apologised/ explained etc etc. And it was clear that I was distraught about it too. But enough is enough – I’ve done a lot as a friend for all of that group – and so now it’s my turn to step away – whether they will acknowledge that I am a good person or not, is up to them/ the Universe to decide.

As for now – I am aiming to live each day true my creative core, and learning to love that, despite people judging me for how I dress. [Wearing punk style, make up and playing guitar is the only thing that makes my soul feel happy and free ]-

As soon as I typed the last bit in [ ] a wagtail bird smacked against my window. A sign from the Universe, I know it. I just know that I’m meant to channel all this emotion in to punk, I can just feel it – I just have to be brave enough to do it.

Cat