Dear Ida:

You wrote: “I know if I take him back, it will be a nightmare. I will feel wrong about myself every time he looks at me”- this is enough of a reason to not resume the relationship (and to cancel the plans to share an apartment in 15 days).

It doesn’t matter if his longing for a certain body type is expressed only when he uses drugs, or if what context. What matters is that he expressed this longing already, repeatedly and this longing is well registered in your brain. And so, like you wrote, you will feel wrong about yourself every time he looks at you.

anita