Dear Earth Angel:

You wrote: “At times I feel like the path I travel is hard and I have doubts about whether I am making progress in life”- your path is hard, I know. I also know and have no doubt myself that you are making significant progress in life- I can read it in your recent posts, how more progressive they are from long ago posts in high school. You read much wiser. I was thinking this very thing as I read your post today as well: wow! I thought to myself, how sensible, how mature, how wise.

I think the counseling you attend is very helpful to you and I am excited about  your future progress, seeing much progress already.

Regarding your body, I like you focusing on the parts that you like. I purposefully avoid looking in the mirror at the parts that I don’t like (unless necessary, of course).

Regarding your parents- as little contact as possible, aim at not trying to get their approval (a tough one for a child of any age), but aim at it. It is a lost cause. I approve of you, others approve of you. I would like you to approve of yourself more and more and more.

As to your questions:

“How do disengage from people who try to involve me in matters that will  only drain my energy?”- assert yourself, say something like: “I have to go (someplace where you were indeed planning on going to)”, or “That sounds difficult for you, I sure hope things get better for you” and leave, don’t stay. Show a bit of empathy, a sentence or two and leave.

“How do I maintain a balance of conversation with my parents because it seems like if I don’t say anything … and if I do say something…?”- they respond badly if talk to them and if you don’t. So between the two I would choose to not talk to them. After all, they are not interested in conversations with you. Having a conversation would require them to listen to what you say with some respect to what you say, with some respect to you.

“How do I avoid adopting the negative thoughts of others as my own?”- try to not be present to hear others expressing their negative thoughts, specifically your parents. And any other person. When you hear them anyway, and/ or when you hear your inner critic, counter that voice with your voice of reason, so evident in your recent posts.

“When it seems like I’m not being validated by the people around me for who (I) am and they continue to wrench their way into my life, how do I avoid being influenced by them or try to cut them out of my life?”- it is hard to not be influenced by people, maybe it is impossible. This is why it is so  important to be assertive and to not be in the presence (in person, on the phone, online) with people that are harmful to you.

It is not illegal, nor would it be immoral if you cut contact with your parents  one day. If this is what it takes, then be it. Keep  it in mind as a possibility that is available to you, for the purpose of taking good care on one precious Earth Angel.

anita