Hi Anita, thank you so much for responding. My husband can be very kind hearted, but he’s a fixer. If he can’t give you an instant practical solution to a problem, he can’t and won’t deal with it. He has an incredibly low tolerance for suffering too, his own or others; he loves me, but he literally cannot go there with me.

I have had much better results with counsellors, and at the time it helps, but you come to a point where you realise, this is a bottomless pit, I could be seeing someone every week for the rest of my life, and just going round and round in circles.

I am working really hard at my meditation practise, and occasionally I get little glimpses of what it would feel like to feel self compassion and kindness. But oh, how much I wish I just had one person I could look to, as a reference point for love and acceptance and compassion, just so I knew that even in my darkest moments, when the idea that I’m not worthy of life is most compelling, that it wasn’t true.