Dear Laurie:

He wrote to you: “I had an upsetting… discussion.. I’m working at the house, getting my paperwork for other jobs I had lined up. I also left my work truck back there at the job site.. I will be in touch with you as soon as I get my mind .. in place”.

Your response to him was: “..I understood what you were trying to convey… you have to do what you have to do. With all sincerity, I truly hope everything will work out for you!”

What he told you was that he had an argument at work, is currently looking for another job, and that he is too uncomfortable (?) to get his truck from the job site even though he needs it. You responded telling him that you understand his situation. But you did not understand his situation. You didn’t ask him questions, like why is he not getting his truck from the work site? And you didn’t ask him questions about his new job search. You wished him well in a general kind of way, “truly hope everything will work out for you!”

Your response to him is such that if I was in his place, reading it, I would think that you are okay with him taking his time to get his mind clear and calm.

In your notes to me you listed your many questions: “Was he trying to tell me he was breaking up with me..?” It doesn’t read to me like a break up email, not at all, not to me.

“Did I respond like I was cool with it?”- you responded like you were cool with him taking his time away from you until his mind is clear and calm.

You wrote that you can’t believe he didn’t write you back. Your last note to him communicated that following his need to take his alone time, you are stepping back and letting him have his alone time. There was no request or invitation in your last note to him for a response from him.

You wrote that you offered to give him space many times before and he refused your offer. Well, reads to me that this time, he suggested it himself and you responded by willingly giving him that time, thanking him and expressing “with all sincerity” and “truly” that you are okay with him taking his time and space.

You wrote: “he has to  know that I am extremely upset about him not calling”-  I don’t know if he knows. Based on your last note to him, you didn’t reveal any upset whatsoever. On the contrary, you revealed being perfectly okay with him taking his time and space.

I don’t know if indeed he wants a breakup, if he entertained that idea when he sent you that email or if he is entertaining the idea now. I don’t see evidence to it. The fact that he didn’t close your shared bank account is an indication, I am thinking, that he has not ended the relationship with you.

What I would do if I was you, being so troubled not knowing what is going on, is to reach out to him for information. Ask him a few questions, for the purpose of getting the information you need, to understand his situation (is he looking still for work, has he terminated his recent employment for good, did he get his truck back, how is he feeling…)

anita