Here is my story of how one can fall for a manipulative person and the reflection it took to realize why it happened.

In July of 2014, my father passed away at the age of 63 to terminal cancer. It was fast. I barely had time to really understand what was happening before he was gone. After this I entered a depression. I was not in a relationship at the time. I hadn’t been for a few years and just felt really sad, lost and alone. I mention this because I don’t know if you were going through a similar situation/feeling when you met your person. It may have inhibited your judgment.

A few months later, I met “D”. D was originally from India; I am from Canada with no prior knowledge of their culture. We instantly clicked. He was very flirtatious, made me feel appreciated and I fell deeply. HAVING SAID THAT, I also did have red flags. My intuition told me something wasn’t right. In retrospect, he was always demanding of my time and attention on HIS schedule but rarely reciprocated when I was in need. He would become cold and even abusive at times. I would constantly get excuses from him. I broke things off several times but always returned within a week or two. He was in my life, but not fully in my life. I didn’t complain though because, again, he was helping me out of my depression. Or so I thought.

Fast forward a bit, two years to be exact. He started to get serious and asked me for marriage. Again, there were some red flags but I told him “if you ask me seriously, then I will answer seriously”. He told me he was. I started to actually feel like this might lead to something. Maybe it would be a happy ever after. That is when my intuition told me to become a Russian spy and I did some sleuthing (as anyone should before they get too serious; in this day and age, it’s not difficult to do). I discovered that he had an online profile on a marriage website (Indians don’t really date; they just get married to someone after interacting a few times). I confronted him and from there he told me that he flirted with a lot of girls and that I meant nothing to him. He would only marry a nice Indian girl of his parent’s choosing. He then got mad at me and told me to never tell anyone what happened. After I said he was a horrible human being for what he did to me, he became apologetic and basically begged me to keep him in my life. It was an emotional whirlwind.

But I was done. It was hard—very hard—for me to just let go of something I invested two years in. For the longest time I felt conflicted between heart and mind. My heart felt love … but my mind knew it didn’t exist as I imagined it. I’m just over a year out now, I realize it was just that … missing something that didn’t actually exist within HIM but that existed within ME (Anita mentions this too). I don’t miss him or want him back. He was a jerk that took advantage of someone during a low point in their life. What I miss is the companionship. The attention. I missed the feeling of belonging. D filled this void that was left by my father’s death. But I can find that with someone else. D didn’t love me. That is the bare minimum of what I – and YOU – deserve in a relationship. The person you describe does not love you, they love your attention (which is why they want it on their schedule and by their rules). A person who loves you would be more understanding of your situation and not punish you the way he has.

This is going to hurt for awhile, I won’t lie. But it will hurt more in the future if you allow the manipulation to continue. You will feel even less of a person. In a relationship, you need an equal.

Try to remain strong. And if you need to vent more, I am listening. 🙂