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Dear Cruzzie:
Welcome back, good to read from you!
Your new post, here, is consistent with your last posting August last year, almost ten months ago. You wrote there: “I just feel different, almost like I’ve woken up for the first time in my life… It’s like I’m meeting the real me for the first time”. On this thread you wrote: “because I’ve changed so much, I’m unable to look at and do things in life that I once enjoyed”- consistent and believable, that you indeed changed so much.
Yet, we don’t change completely, that is, we can’t undo all the many neuropathways in our brain, not in a year, that is for sure. Painful experiences of the past, especially in childhood, are still there, recorded in many thousands of pathways, connections in the brain. Painful experiences of the past (recorded in our brain) get activated in the present, giving you, I believe, those “moments of sudden and very deep lows”.
I relate to your disinterest in TV/ movies. I haven’t watched TV for more than four years. I lost interest in TV, movies, books because I can see so much make-believe thinking in movies and books, so much fiction in what is supposedly non-fiction.
In my case, not watching TV, not getting excited about entertainment is not me being depressed. It is about wanting to continue to improve my thinking, to continue to learn about what is real and not dilute my learning with thinking that is untrue to reality.
anita