i find that if im feeling isolated and needing some connection then i gravitate towards my family where my needs are so great that my knowing of not trusting them is forgotton in the moment and then i soon realise that i have fallen into the trap as im always hurt or left feeling manipulated. you are so right about what you have said about my parents, it helps to hear it from your you as i have so much doubt. i want a life where i am not around them like i am and to get there means meeting a partner and i must be careful not to see this person as my potential saviour but as my equal partner. i want to be financially secure and confident in myself and to have friends that put in as much effort as what i put in but there no where to be found yet.

i really appreciate being able to write on here and receiving the replies i have had.