Dear Sege,

I’m not a perfect woman, far from it, however I was not imagining things.

I was walking on egg shells all the time in this relationship… he was so sensitive and insecure. I described him as awesome as he was very intense, he showered me with compliments, he took me to great places, left love notes everywhere for me, changed his schedule to be all the time with me and seemed to love me. However his moods and character was very difficult to handle. I had to give him my full attention all the time, i had to reassure him often, i had to tell him WHY I love him. I couldn’t speak about my past, at all! He was jealous of my exes and my past. He used to shut me up as soon as I’m about to speak about an experience I had in the past.  I had to ask him before I take any decisions, I had to be careful how I speak to him since he used to get offended very easily and I ended up being very cautious how to speak with him, afraid of contradicting him and if he gets upset, he gets even more insecure and controlling. He himself admitted that when he’s insecure he becomes controlling. And when he’s controlling I get detached and he gets even more insecure and it was a viscious cycle. He was constantly afraid I’ll leave him.

He had told me he loved me  and was talking about our future very soon in the relationship… we hardly new each other. I was a bit taken aback but I believed it was true. (Apparently he says these things to all girlfriends )

You mentioned the wooden spoon and his childhood. It was him who told me that his mum used to beat him with it. It was him who told me that his mum used to disown him and treating him she’ll commit suicide. I did not invent this.

It’s been almost two months that we’re not together, I’m still thinking about him and trying to figure out what was wrong with him. At first I used to think he’s a psychopath but after a lot of reading I think he has a LOT of borderline traits. I know it’s wrong to try to understand why he was acting the way he did but I just can’t help it.

He’s a relationships therapist himself and he goes for personal therapy every week so he can hide certain traits. However from his past relationships it’s easy to say that they were very unstable .

I’m not looking for a Hollywood love story but I want to be in a relationship that allow me to be happy and to be myself .

Elle