When I decided that I want to embark on this journey of starting this business, I took at full force, I became obsessive. In order to do well in today’s world especially in the industry I’m in, social media plays a huge role. I have not been on social media for months, perhaps almost a year. It was nice, I didn’t miss it, it was nice to not have to add a distraction or overstimulation. Getting back into it over two weeks ago, there were some good, it was fun to see certain people and share with them. But it quickly took a turn for what I remember most – toxic. Social media can be very toxic when an individual finds them so spending more time on it versus “real life. It can also be very toxic if an individual find some self comparing themselves to others who are showing their “best life.” As educated and wise as I may think I am, it is easy to get bogged down into all that. Human nature. I started seeing like there were many different female doctors that were embodying and promoting something like myself, well what makes them successful? Don’t I have what it takes? Don’t I have a more authentic approach? But yet will they succeed and continue to, and I don’t?  No this wasn’t directed towards anyone individual, it was the concept, there is so much out there, some of it of value and quality and some of it not, however in that world how do you set yourself apart? How do you connect to others? How do you make your mark?

At a certain point it may make you feel like OK there’s no point I give up, it is much better to live a peaceful life and what you don’t have to get involved in these things. Sure, but I know myself. I know I will want to try and put myself out there and the sons and I will not settle until I do. So what is the answer? Balance.

Balance and boundaries. Not many things are all good and or bad, but without balance and boundaries they can be. A simple exaMple of cheesecake. To have a few bites of cheesecake is a wonderful pleasure. Even to have a desert once in a while is great too. But when a person does not have balance and boundaries and does not have self-control that is one cheesecake can be detrimental. It is easy in this Centenario to type casted as a negative thing. But what is for the negative is more of the lack of self-control on the individuals part not the object itself.

Over the last week I found myself having no self control over thinking about these business ideas. I was not spending my time productively it was not that I was sitting up hours on and making my business plan, no in fact I was obsessing and obsessing and comparing and wondering and worrying. This leads to no fruitful results for the mind or tangible reality. It is an endless vicious circle of negativity. It was so bad that by Friday evening I had a terrible migraine, I could hardly get out of bed.

I didn’t look at this is just a random headache however, I saw this as a sign. I had made myself sick. I get these terrible headaches about if you times a year, often when I have severe stress. I created severe stress over the course of the week by ruminating, obsessing, and spending countless hours contracting my head into various forms so to speak. All to leave myself to what? A terrible migraine.

No, nothing in life is worth feeling that way. Whether you are a multi billionaire, an amazing actress, a philanthropist, or an Olympic athlete, if your quality of life is to constantly feel that terrible, nothing is worth it. And I saw this. I am a sensitive person and I have the ability to make myself sick so to speak, so I should look at this as an example. If I want to pursue a new goal I must do so in a healthy and pragmatic way. If I abscess and ruminate and create negativity, I will only bring myself down to the-place that I wanted to heal from, a place that is only full of stress and emotional distress.

If others cause this amount of stress and emotional distress we may choose not to spend time with them. But if this is self-inflicted, the only thing to do is place boundaries on your’s own self, you cannot choose not to spend time with your own self!

Thus, after the weekend came around I let myself breathe. I said to myself life is good, give myself the ability to enjoy, relax, enjoy the sun. No one becomes anything overnight by obsessing and ruminating I’m not going to create something that I believe in and love. It will not come out of this negative emotion and this nervous energy. It will take time. Have faith.

Anything good I have created in my life has come from a place of positivity and happiness. I can name countless things. Moreover, this endeavor of mine is a choice, it is a hobby, it is a side, if it takes off then great, but at the end of the day it is not my end all be all. It is not my soul purpose, it is not my sole source of financial stability, it is not my sole source of career trajectory.

We must remind ourselves that when we choose we may waiver, if they come with challenges but always remember it is a choice. It is not forced. With that let it come from a place that is healthy. Maintain the journey maintain happiness maintain equanimity.

To grow at the risk of your own sanity and health is not growth at all. It is toxicity. May I always find equanimity. May I always find myself back home.