Dear Claudia:

You are welcome.

Did you make a decision to end the relationship or are you still considering it?

You asked: “How do I stop loving him… I’m still very much in love and care for him… how do I make it stop? ? I miss him soo much… how to make this easier”

There is a saying “the heart wants what the heart wants”. Your heart wants him regardless of what he did and what you decided to do, if you did (to end the relationship). Your heart doesn’t care about logic, values, it doesn’t care about anything except this one thing: to be with him.

Don’t fight this feeling, don’t expect it to end. Accept it and expect it to last for a while, longer than you would like. When you feel this attachment to him, this desire, endure it. Don’t act on it, don’t react to it by reaching out to him. Talk to yourself, remind yourself why you are doing this (separating from him and staying separated).

It will be helpful to incorporate into your day a routine you didn’t have before, put in maybe an hour walk outside every day, gym, yoga, some other healthy activity. Guided meditations can help you. As you try this or that, make a list of what works for you. Then at any one time pick one thing from the list and do it.

A support group of some kind may help, maybe psychotherapy if it comes to it, for a short time. And do post here anytime you need to.

anita