Anita

I want to thank you again for leading me back to what i truly know to be at the heart of my issues which is feeling im a bad person. For many reasons i feel worthless, and guilty. I don’t want us to ignore the relationship with my father either he had just as much a role in creating this mess as my mother when he told me as an 8 year old it was my job to take care of her.

Im not understanding what is the “badness” i need to give back. by badness do you mean the things making me feel guilty? Because i’m struggling to pinpoint why exactly i feel guilty within me. I mean i do at times feel some guilt over not being able to help my mom and dad as a child even though i’ve been aware for a number of years now it wasn’t my job. But when i feel guilty now its more a feeling of worthlessness more than anything, like i couldn’t matter to another human being therefore i’m useless and lonely. That is the best description i have of how i feel when im having suicidal thoughts.

I know it may be there but im struggling to see the connection between my feeling of worthlessness and my mothers (& fathers) “badness”(guilt?) if you could simplify this for me i think i might be able to get at whats really been weighing me down. Also what to do about changing that belief?