Anita

Thank you for your response and empathy. I feel undeserving of your empathy still. I saw my therapist today and discussed the feelings of worthlessness, and not feeling like i have a purpose for my life. I’m not sure i left with any new information because of course he cant tell me what my why or purpose is. He did advise me to keep talking back to and caring for the voices in my head telling me i’m worthless, suggesting that over time this loving voice will become easier to tap into. This is all about i can hope for right now. I’m realizing because i am a natural leader(not by choice) and don’t conform nor have the desire to do so that i may be more be lonely because of this. I don’t know how i feel about that. I shared with him how i don’t feel comfortable talking in class because alot of what i have to say is completely contrary to how the vast majority of my classmates and teachers think. I love that i think for myself and am critical however this same trait is what keeps me alone and makes me feel like i dont belong. I don’t really want to belong either because that would mean i would be conforming to this sick bullshit society, which is more painful. Therefore i will remain safely alone and sad. At the end of the day i just dont want to be alone anymore, and i want to have a reason to get up in the morning besides my innate motivation to survive.