Dear noname:

From your own account, your present relationship with your mother is encouraging and maintaining the I-am-a-bad-person core belief as strong as it is. How can you possibly change this core belief when it continues to be encouraged by your current interactions with her.

As it is, you are living in a situation that makes mental health impossible: if you cut contact with her, you will feel that you are a very bad person. If you keep contact with her, you feel that you are a bad person. No win for you.

But if you are able to put yourself first, to put the noname part of the mental unit as more important to you then the she-part of the mental unit, when you side with you, then you have something that will make it possible for you to separate from her while no longer in contact.

It is about taking your side, forming loyalty to yourself and so, turning your back to her.

anita