Anita
Thank you for having hope for me, sometimes i think i get tired of trying so hard for what seems like no reason. Maybe if i had a reason to live besides not making other people sad that im dead i’d be more motivated to try. Lately i’ve been trying to help people as much as possible to keep myself off my mind, and so i dont feel worthless. I tend to offer to help people at every single chance i get so i wont be alone, obviously this is carried over from my relationship with my mom. Unfortunately its not really working for me. I still feel worthless and sad and like whatever i do isn’t good enough. Im getting more frustrated as i type this because this is not new information to me or you. I feel like their is something im looking for in life that keeps evading me, and ill never get it.
I was helping a friend who recently married do some TLC on his home last night, and again out of everyone their im the only single person and it feels horrible. When people ask me why arent you dating? it really takes me feel worthless as if its my choice to be this isolated. Im very jealous of my friends, classmates, and coworkers who seem to have no problem finding dates, or partners. And here i am lucky to sleep with one woman a few times per year if that. I feel like shit and i feel like there is some big secret about life i just dont know. Im getting angry with myself as i type this wishing i was better at life. And im scared now because im running on fumes, you and my therapist are the only thing giving me any kind of reason to drag through my days.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 