Dear Pedro:

“I feel my life has been a waste”- much of mine has been a waste. Most of the lives of most people is a waste, youth is wasted, years and decades, resources, tangible and non tangible, inborn intelligence and money misspent. Money not made. Look at the world and the waste of natural resources, mismanagement  in businesses, politics… oh, the waste is indeed massive, and it is here there and everywhere.

And now, what? What to do when you realize so much has been wasted? My answer: you make a  little improvement and live the life that is available for you. Here is a little improvement that you can make in your life, to no longer be afraid (“I actually get slightly ill with dread when I hear her coming up the stairs”). If you live separately from her, you will no longer hear her coming up the stair. Wouldn’t that be a relief?

By living the life that is available for you I mean, making your life better a bit at a time, so you live separately from her, no longer afraid of the next bad interaction with her. Another improvement: you can now meet women online. I will explain: before, when you were young and single, you didn’t have this option. But now you do. Looking at your post, you read interesting to me, your intelligence is evident and your honesty  is attractive. So you can communicate well online. You are no longer limited to your looks, which you described as unattractive. You have the written word.

So you communicate with women online,  on a dating site, but you do it right, not getting too invested, keeping it honest, not expecting much, but you persist. You get to know women this way and then you arrange a meeting with one, to get to know her face to face,  in a coffee place, let’s say (any one of you can leave at any time).

You wrote that you don’t like to share about yourself, to  open up, well right here is your opportunity to do a little of that. No need to share a whole lot, just a bit, but keep it honest. If you do, I will respond to you empathetically and respectfully, no danger to you communicating here with me.

anita