I am not a loser in any world. I am loser inside my head. I am simply trying to find the strength to go on. I can make my life how I want it to be, but I can’t find the strength because of my loneliness and self esteem issues. Doesn’t mean I am not doing anything about it. I’ve lost weight, getting seriously on shape, living a health life, having an amazing job, traveling for work and being able to see beautiful places…. I just feel the pain inside and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like I lost so much that I am far too deep down the well to be able to climb out of it.

Pink, I don’t care about money, superficial things, or the materialist society that’s solely based on consumerism. I am actually a minimalist and don’t need much to be happy. In fact, I don’t need anything, but somewhere to live, something to drive, my dog, my health, my job, someone to love perhaps. The problem is that it’s my past that’s haunting me. The credit debt and the school loans and while I reduced my living expenses to the bare minimum, I am paying almost 50% of my waves towards paying off credit as soon as humanly possible. Once, if ever, I pay off the debt, I will be able to live again. By then I’ll be an old fart = ))

And I am thinking about moving outside of LA, but that’s not going to make much of a difference. I am not concerned about the cost of living in LA as much as the social scene. I know it’s easier to say that not everyone is like that, but I’ve lived in LA fore almost 30 years. I know the real LA. Of course, not everyone is superficial or only wants money, but let’s not kid ourselves here. Truth and facts are important, and the truth is that women in LA want money…. I am not looking for supermodels, just regular women… But there is no such thing here. If a woman is even a little bit attractive here, it’s over for the guys. And I can’t force myself to date someone I am not attracted to.

I wouldn’t worry about debt or darting or anything, but the real world isn’t free and dating isn’t cheap. I am looking for 2nd and 3rd jobs right now. If I didn’t have my doggy (and I wouldn’t trade anything for spending time with him), I wold be doing Uber ad Lyft and everything else… And I make very good money. That’s just freaking sad.