Hi Dorothee,

Sorry you’re feeling this way. So there’s 1) the fear of being alone with your thoughts, and 2) the fear of not having a partner in your older years. Is that right? I believe that both these fears are very common. A lot of people hate being alone with their thoughts so they use all kinds of distractions (some unhealthier than others) to get them through their “alone” times. Don’t choose a partner as a distraction, especially when the partner is not good for your well-being. If you keep getting back together with this guy, you’ll continue to be unhappy when you’re with him (apologizing constantly, staying silent to avoid arguments, etc.) and also when you’re not with him (as you are now). Break the cycle by figuring out why you need a distraction in the first place — why do you hate yourself?

We can talk about the fear of not having a partner in your older years too, if you want.

B