Dear miranam,

Thank you for your response. It means the world to me if anything I post is considered supportive and makes it easier for you. I tend to reflect for a period on what I want to post about because I feel that I cannot offer a genuine suggestion unless I am able to feel to some extent the pain that you are going through.

At the same time I understand that every single life situation that you face is uniquely your own.

You have tried many ways to get out of the pain that you are in. You have read about self love and compassion yet you are not able to take it up. I asked myself why that could be so despite your clear insight and intelligence. That is when I was reminded of my own struggles where intellectually I know what to do but yet I am unable to do.

For me, the reason I felt was the meaning that I was attaching to things, the definition that I was giving to happiness on a repeated basis.

Is it possible that you are telling yourself (despite evidence to the contrary) that you will be happy if your husband reciprocates your love or your son is able to see the way you love him and return in kind. And that if that doesn’t happen you will not be happy.

If that is still the case could you change this definition of happiness to include yourself. Bring more and more things into your realm of control and try to develop that happiness bit by bit. Happiness may not be one big thing but the many small things that you do for yourself.

Take care