Dear C:

“I have no idea what’s going on in her head and possibly mine for that matter”, you wrote.

Regarding what is going in her head, I don’t know but I can guess: she liked you from the beginning, experienced sexual dissatisfaction with you, wanting to end the relationship “maybe we aren’t sexually compatible”), later considered keeping contact but not sexually (“she wanted a ‘none-sexual relationship”). She was otherwise very busy with studying for exams and troubled by conflicted yet involved relationships with her mother and other family members, finances and god. Being busy, stressed and conflicted, she acted reserved and distant with you and saw you less and less, and changing plans to see you when those were made. I think she was confused as to who was responsible for what, inaccurately assuming you were not doing enough to grab her attention and keep her involved with you (“if only you were as good at keeping a girlfriend”).

Reads to me that she was honest when she said that “she needed time to think” and that “she didn’t feel like she could be in a relationship right now”, as well as “it’s not a good time”, not just that time not being a good time for her, but the whole year of the relationship, reads to me.

Basically, my guess is that in her mind, she’s been very busy, conflicted, distracted, unfocused, confused, multi tasking and … not all there. She likes you but she is not all there, not available for a consistent, mature, healthy relationship.

Regarding what is going on in your head: “to say I’m confused is an understatement”- very confused, is your experience. Trying to make sense of what doesn’t make sense is  confusing. In other words, she has been all  over the place, a bit here, a bit there, everywhere and nowhere. Trying to understand her is like trying to connect dots that are not meant to be connected, and so, you get lines that don’t translate to any discernable shape.

anita