I just wanted to check in to say I’m doing well right now. I can say I am doing significantly better than when I started this thread, feeling more confident than ever. I even performed my music in front of an audience for the first time this past weekend, and didn’t feel afraid to share some of myself with strangers.
I feel for the first time in my life that I love myself. And It feels really good to know no matter what is going on in my life I won’t be getting in my own way as much and I’m keeping my own best interest in mind in every decision I make. I no longer feel as if I’m out to sabatoge myself. I feel attractive and easy to talk to because I radiate authenticity and truth. Although I still have work to do in being true to myself I believe.

If there’s anything I’m struggling with right mow it’s still being without sex or a partner. However, I’m not panicking in the absence of intimacy as I have in the past, and I think it has a lot to do with actually liking myself. Before when I disliked myself, the panic to find some kind of love and approval felt unbearable, as If I was separated from the pack and left to die. Now I think because I have made it a point to be even more open with friends and ask for care when I need it, I’m not panicking as much because I know having a partner is not the only way to get my need for emotional intimacy met. Of course sex+emotional intimacy would be amazing, and I believe it may even be there for me one day, but I’ve accepted that it may come and go and that’s actually more comforting to me than thinking it’s something I have to go find and hold on tightly or take some active role in acquiring, when i try too much I get exhausted easily.

I thought I’d just check in and let you know things are okay right now, and I’m in my last year of school now so that’s exciting for me too.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by noname.