Dear Prash,

Thank you for your reply, I will try to explain how the relationship has deteriorated. I am sorry if it is too long, I am trying to do my best to expose the situation properly.

I have known her for over 10 years ago.

She has many great qualities, I trust her completely, we are really supportive to one another and we never argue. I know she has some insecurities : she’s very possessive so she feels threatened when I meet someone because she doesn’t like to “share” her friends with someone, especially if she judges he’s “not worth it” and she has a fear of abandonment. She has a big personality

To set the context, 6 years ago, we were both trying to enter med school but I was the only one who succeeded :/ I was very very sad for her and did everything I could to help her. She was happy for me me (she still is) but never gave up and she has spent the last 6 years trying to get another degree that could allow her to access med school in third year (that’s how it works in my country, sorry if that’s confusing). Unfortunately it didn’t work so she’s planning to study abroad. She never met any of my friends in med school because that depressed her, and i noticed she was kind of jealous when i mentioned them.

Our friendship was fine until september 2017. It was tense sometimes and I felt like walking on eggshell because she would get upset if I mentioned her attempts to get in med school or outraged if I said something about someone who left the school … Apart from that, the friendship was great. She was always here for me if I had any personal problem, etc

Last september I started dating a guy who became shortly after my first boyfriend. Due to my studies, I only got to see him once a week and at the time, I was living with my best friend.

I admit, I did some mistakes, I struggled to manage my time and I had to cancel going out with my best friend because I had a lot of work. But in the other hand, I was still seing the guy once a week. I had (and still have 🙁 ) a lot of insecurities about my body, so being in a relationship freaked me out completely and she was there to reassure me everytime I panicked.

But she started to be really annoyed I would find time to go out with him and not her so, at some point in november, she bursted into tears saying she “had been hugely disappointed at me”, that “she was proud of herself because she handled well the fact I had a boyfriend, but she felt like I was taking her for granted and she didn’t want to be sacrificed.”. She stated I should have know she wasn’t okay because she was stressed that she wouldn’t manage to get in med school

I apologised to her, I explained her I was going through a lot of thing and that the only reason I started to go out with her less often, was that I was already living with her in the same apartment so I got to see her everyday.

She said that she was ready to forgive me because she still thought I was a good person, but if I was someone else, she would have cut me out of her life. She knew I hadn’t done her wrong in purpose, but she said she “didnt care”.She explained that she was no longer willing to listen to anything I had to say about my boyfriend and that I would have to talk to someone else but she was still here for me regarding any other issues.

Some months later, I got dumped. He was tired of me not getting enough time to see him and he said hurtful things to me

I talked to my sister, another close friend of mine and I got a therapist to get through all the usual sadness and distress that comes after a break up.

At some point, I did say to her we broke up and she replied “okay, sorry. Unfortunately I will not be able to comfort you, but i am sure you can find someone to talk to”

I don’t know, maybe I am being incredibly selfish here but I don’t understand her reaction and I feel disappointed too. Those events damaged our friendship. We still talk every other day, but I don’t feel like opening to her anymore. Regarding her studies, I have been here for her because she had a lot of exams in may/april and she went through a stressful period. My break up was in march and she never asked how I was doing, not even once. I think I resent her for that, but again, I don’t know if that is selfish of me.

I just didn’t think our frienship was like that :/ If I felt temporarily neglected by a friend because she had a boyfriend and it was all “shiny and new”, I would have been confident she would come back to me at some point. So I think I would just have backed off, and find others friends to hang out with before she came back. I don’t know if that makes sense ?

And if she was going through a break up, I surely hope I would have been here for her

I don’t know how she feels about that though,, but for me the friendship is not the same.

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• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by Naia.