Dear anita,

yes, I still struggle with my self worth. Sometimes I even say to myself that I’m not a good person. Sometimes I thought that I was a difficult child… My parents used to say “oh, these bad children” somewhat jokingly. I know my mother had a hard time raising three children. She always says that it’s not easy to raise kids. But now she tries to be more encouraging.

I often feel like I’m not deserving of a good life. I had so many chances, but I didn’t use them well enough. My fear of failure kept me from trying. And for example with this new man I felt like I’m not good enough for him. He has his life together, while I’m still struggling.

With him I wasn’t completely comfortable. Maybe I wasn’t loving enough, I don’t have that much experience when it comes to relationships. I talked to him more like a friend. I’m just this awkward I guess when I don’t know somebody that well. He said: “But you know me a little bit better now.” But I only know him for 1 or two weeks!

Why is it bad to talk about therapy? I wanted to be honest with him, I wanted to let him know who I was. But maybe it comes off as too insecure? Maybe it was too soon? Maybe I was overstepping a boundary there? He said he was happy for me.

Yes, you are right I should have talked to him about being uncomfortable… I don’t know why I do things I’m uncomfortable with. I was already uncomfortable giving him my phone number and so on. But i wanted to change something I guess and give it a shot.

It doesn’t look as if he will call me. Yesterday after he responded I wrote: Yes we can talk on the phone tomorrow, if you like. Until tomorrow then? And he didn’t respond. So I don’t know if I should be the one to call or write. But maybe he doesn’t want that and maybe this will come off as even more insecure and needy.

Well, I guess I behaved really stupid, right?