Hi Anita,

I do have to be there. I want to be there. I love this small family group; they’ve always been the only family that showed love or any kind of warmth.

I’m just starting to feel anxious about it.

Your tips make me feel better because I was thinking along those lines. My cousin has literally already thought ahead to making some sort of human shield. She told her sister to be on the lookout for my sister eyeing me up.

When she’s drunk, she’s erratic and hostile and relentless. Or rather, even more so than usual. The screaming at me triggers this deep anxiety in my chest that reminds me of our childhood and I hate the aftermath of that sort of confrontation. I have yelled back when she starts screaming, just to be heard, but I KNOW I can’t respond. I have to walk away.

Aahhhhh.

Fuck I hate this.