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Omg, I felt almost everything you wrote, I relate to that.
Before I met him I made a decision to not be with someone if I just want them to keep me away from being single. And then I met him and even though I haven’t been attracted to him at first, we talked about everything and got to know each other and he was ‘perfect’ for me because he did everything I wanted from someone – he gave me full attention all the time, talked to me all the time, was infatuated with me.. and I fell in love with him too because he treated me the best and was so kind. I really love him but I think I became too attached, the good thing is he doesn’t give me any reason to worry about his love for me.
I also have moments just like you when I feel so calm and sure of myself and us, but then sometimes I still worry or get anxious about little things… so it’s like a wave.
“how do you just let go of the fear and expectations? It’s always about believing that the other option is better.” – If everything is very good between you two, you just enjoy it… not have any expectations… so maybe this is just not what you really want and that’s okay…and you think he’s special and that’s why you hang on him… so you can also try…. you’ll realize if it’s what you really want or not, but just keep it real.
The fact that you value connections and said that you “don’t like how disposable relationships and people seem to be now” (I feel the same) makes it clear that you actually want a commited relationship but you are just scared of being vulnerable and hurt, which from what I see you realized which is a good thing.