Hi Jackie,

First, I want to say that I am EXACTLY the same why when it comes to sex. I’ve tried to have a fling, a casual one nighter, but came out of the experience completely unfulfilled and empty. I used to feel inferior or that I wasn’t a sexual person for a long time because of this, but now I know, deep down, I need to have a connection – mind, body, spirit, emotion – with someone in order to make love to them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing these connections in order to enjoy sex!

Second, I too have had crushes on co-workers. It’s hard not to when you often spend more time with these people than you do with friends and family. A lot of time people put on a work persona that masks their authentic selves. It’s not a bad thing, but some people always want to appear a certain way to their co-workers and hold back anything they deem as negative. It sounds like this co-worker is starting to show his authentic self (wanting a good time not a long time, needing validation for himself from flirting with others) and you are being caught in the cross fires.

The only thing you can control in this situation is your own actions. I know that is probably the hardest thing in the world when you are a sensitive, people pleaser (speaking from experience here!) but your well being depends on it. You said: I even messaged him in the hopes it would help e.g. he would stop flirting and give me some space. Take control of this and delete or block his number. Give yourself that gift of not being available to him whenever he feels the need to contact you. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings – he doesn’t seem to care about yours! Once you can go home and not worry about talking to him outside of work hours, you can get some clarity and take the next step in order to break away.

Stay strong! You CAN and WILL get through this! 🙂