I am sad to admit without sounding completely dysfunctional that I am back with my old boyfriend. We aren’t living in the same town, but he comes stays with me when he visits. What can I say? I love him a lot, and constantly mother him, but there isn’t any passion in our relationship. Also, when the other bastard did that to me, I completely went off the deep end, and quit working out & eating healthy. I’ve ballooned up like a pig and feel so ugly. I feel done ever trying to date again. Men don’t want women my age. They all think there is something wrong with me because I have never been married nor do I have kids. It’s funny the way life works out. That’s all I ever dreamed about when I was younger. I wanted to have my own family to take care of, but it never happened for me. I have always had health problems and was infertile for my reproductive years. It’s too late for me now.

I also work for the world’s most demanding, hypercritical, micromanaging boss who constantly sets the bar so high, I always end up failing in his eyes. He bothers me on the weekends when I am supposed to be off, and starts his weekends rounds at his property noticing things I didn’t do. Between what that bastard did to me, and the boss I work for as a personal assistant/estate manager, I am surprised I haven’t gone completely out of my mind. That’s for another forum altogether.

Back to the bastard, ya know, he has no earthly idea I took it that hard. I have never tried to reach out to him anymore, except for the two emails I sent. I don’t want him to have the pleasure of knowing I was so hooked on him. He doesn’t know that his hourly phone calls & texts were like medicine to me. He also used to give me much needed advice on how to handle my boss. I miss all of that so bad. I wish I knew if he still thinks about me. I know he is a piece of shit, but it would actually make me feel a ton better if I knew. Wow, I am a screwed up woman, aren’t I?