Dear Riris:

“If I confront her (about criticizing you), she’ll probably say that it’s for my own good”-

but it is not for your own good and hasn’t been.

“I value her judgment highly”, you wrote earlier. But you shouldn’t!

No one more than a child (of any age) is more motivated to see the best in her mother, because a mother for a child is not just a person, she is.. everything. We need her too much to allow ourselves to believe, to truly believe that .. she is just not qualified to know what is good for us, or that she doesn’t care to find out what is good for us.

The problem with keeping this delusional (incorrect) view of our critical mothers is that the price we pay is that we keep believing that we really are defected and worthy of her criticism and disappointment.

When you described your affair in your original post, it was like you enjoyed making something happen, something exciting happen in an otherwise boring life. I think life is boring when you live down to a parents’ disappointment.

It will be exciting if you separate yourself from your mother, if you allow yourself the excitement of finding out who you really are.  Who you really are is not who your mother thinks you are.

My goodness, how it will benefit you if you no longer “value her judgment highly”.

anita