Dear Riris:

Regarding the man you had the affair with, clearly the right thing for you to do is nothing, to not try to contact him. Reads like he regrets having cheated on his wife and I hope he learns from the experience and make a better life for himself.

Regarding your husband, it will be a bad idea to tell him before and if you have a well thought out plan for the future of your relationship with him, a plan in which telling him makes sense, that it, it will somehow help the relationship.

If you tell him outside such a plan it will hurt him and no good comes out of it, not for him and not for you. If you feel a temporary relief as a result of telling him- without a plan- it will be a relief at his expense, a selfish relief.

I figure you need to correct your relationships with your parents on one hand, and the one with your husband, on the other hand. What do you think?

anita