Yea, I guess I have to find someone I trust enough to share with transparently.

I think I have realized I kind of have trust issues. I don’t think I have ever told you this maybe may be not but its hard for me to carry conversation with consistent eye contact with new people or ‘inconsistent’ people in my life. I have been doing this since I was probably 13. I remember this boy I liked in school he was like, why cant you look me in the eye. I was like because..I don’t trust you. Flash forward to now. Even when I talk to John I find myself coming back and forth with the eye contact. Like staying looking is too much. I noticed that heavily this weekend it was in the forefront of my thoughts. John tends to stare at me and I was staring back at him but I break the connection..like its too much..I don’t know how to describe it. lol