Kkasxo,

It horrible to feel like that. It’s interminable. You were angry for a while and I think that’s a catalyst to move on. It’s something I can’t muster just yet. Are you ready to let go of the pain? To just let it go? Because it will mean letting go of your ex? I think that’s the difficult thing. I don’t want the pain but a tiny part of me is not ready to give up on an epiphany on his part, and while I have unconscious hope, I’m going to have pain. According to therapist anyway.

I hear ya when it comes to company, I need to be around people, but it’s exhausting. I don’t have the energy for it but at the same time I need to pass the time, so it’s like a catch 22.

I don’t know what phase I’m in this evening, denial or rational (due to medication), but I welcome the reprieve. Don’t get me wrong I still feel pretty low but it’s not as sharp.

What do you want to do really deep down? Do you want to be with him, like always, but your mind is telling you it can’t work now?