Shelby,

In an ideal world I would love for us to get back to the loving, fun, committed and stable relationship we had prior to June.

We are the kind of people who naturally bounce back to happiness (we see this even when we are together now) we sort of just pick up where we left off however there is now all of this trauma and emotional baggage and oh so many emotions that I am carrying. I think with or without him this one will be extremely difficult to move on from as I have to learn to accept the situation and circumstances that caused our break up to begin with. I realise this is something that I will need to eventually get to on my own although it would’ve been much easier to do this together!

Because of this I now have so much anger and resentment towards him I don’t know if I could truly forgive him or his family for what they did to me.

I’ve done quite a bit of reading into forgiveness and every single thing I’ve read mentions that forgiveness is for you rather than the other person. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to reach out to the person to tell them that they’re forgiven or even accept them back in your life for that matter, rather it is just a way for you to let go of all of the negative feelings and no longer allowing them to control your life or your outlook on life. However, I don’t quite know how to approach that? I don’t know how to forgive. I don’t know how to move past this chapter of my life and the scar tissue that came along with it.

And then on top of that the heart wants what it wants, which is him.

So all in all I am stuck in a very unhealthy and emotionally draining phase of my life and unsure how to get through it or better yet past it.