Dear Joey:

That sad face at the end of your recent post, my suggestion is in regard to it: you will have to endure that sadness, the anxiety, all the discomfort you experience, endure it while making better and better choices. We all want to feel good, every living thing, if it feels, it wants to feel good. Unfortunately, as humans living complicated lives, we have to distinguish between what will feel good right now and what will feel good tomorrow and the day after.

So at any one time it will feel good to see him right now and to spend the night with him now and hope for the best. But that leads to more misery, and more misery and it reduces your chances to feel okay long term.

Also, it is not that you need to get better, to heal and then you will deserve the prize: him. He has to heal too from whatever he needs to heal. He needs to improve too.

It is tough to be emotionally attached to a person and to stop thinking them, to turn away from the object of our attachment and turn toward reasonable living. But it needs to be done, if you want a better life.

Is psychotherapy available for you?

anita