Dear Kkasxo:

I read some of your recent posts on the other thread today and I think I have some new understanding this morning. I thought before of your situation as a breakup, but I think it is a story of betrayal. The main issue is betrayal, with a capital B, Betrayal. It happens when you blindly trusted another person and he (or she) betrayed your trust in a severe way, with no way back to trusting that person. No way to blindly trusting anyone, anymore.

There is a shattering of one’s knowing of oneself, others and life that happens with a Betrayal. It is like a major earthquake with many after shocks. There is a sense of not knowing anymore. The knowing is now in the past, in the before-the-Betrayal, and nothing is the same anymore, all is strange, foreign. Is this how you feel?

If it is, then there is only one way to heal and that is to start from the beginning.

Mindfulness, do anything you do  daily mindfully, with a “beginning mind” state of mind. Do all your routine tasks with that beginning mind, brushing your teeth, washing dishes, pay attention as if you were doing each such task for the first time. Learn about you, about others, about life… from the beginning. You will be building a new foundation to stand on, one to substitute for the foundation shattered in that major earthquake.

Today is the first day of the second part of your life, a new beginning. In this beginning, your ex boyfriend must have no part, no contact whatsoever. Not for the purpose of weakening the emotional attachment to him, but because his Betrayal of you is unforgivable and you should not live with more shaking under your feet.

If indeed he betrayed you, with a capital B, in real life terms (the details of which I don’t know, but you do), he must be out of your life completely, in no uncertain terms.

Make today, this very moment, your new beginning.

anita