I think because i left her when the girls were so young, i never deserted them i told her i was there for her and the girls and would support them in every way i just didn’t want to be with her anymore because she was making my life a misery and we weren’t getting along anymore, i fell out of love with her i suppose but also it was because she was pushing me away, to be honest now i think about it again, she was like that from the beginning, how we ever lasted two years before the girls were born ill never know, i think the added pressure that was brought on by having two young babies and the fact she wasn’t letting me in and help her and i still had to go to work, i suppose we both had to deal with this but it was in her best interest to allow me to help rather than push me away so i don’t feel guilty about leaving i gave her all the opportunities to accept the help i was offering but still she threw it in my face and chose to bring up the girls without me and shut me out completely and stop me seeing my girls, then i had to go to the courts to get contact and they were useless they nearly always favor the mother or the person the children live with, they granted me access but a few weeks after the contact began she would stop contact and use some excuse that was related to my size and say i was aggressive or one time one of them crawled in to a table leg and bumped her head, my mum witnessed this and when i took them home she said to my face “well accidents happen” and then the next day got on to her solicitors to stop contact my mum wrote a letter explaining what had happened to my solicitor who forwarded it on to her side but they weren’t interested, and that went on for 10 years so in the end i was exhausted with it all it was very painful, emotional and mentally draining.