Kkasxo,

Honestly it’s scary how alike our situations are in some ways. My ex was not enthusiastic about living together at all, I always got the sense that he felt his next move would be in to his own home and he wouldn’t waste money renting in a crappy apartment somewhere. He always planned on having his own place I think but didn’t adapt his plans when he met me and when I started to suggest alternative future plans than what he had in mind, it irked him and he couldn’t change. In fairness we had a couple of deep deep conversations a while back and he admitted just not sure when he’d be ready and I said I’d wait and I’m in it as his team mate, thinking I could manage it, but despite my best efforts, my frustration kept seeping out. It’s hard to drive a car with the handbrake on.

It is completely reasonable to expect you would be living with your partner after 3 years. Genuinely, it is. A lot of people live together after one year now! It would not make sense to me for you to find a place to rent when your family moves away, when you could move in with your ex. I was exactly the same, I wasn’t going to move into a house my ex bought or built without living with him first to see if we could live together. You really don’t know someone until you live with them.

Valora,

I know you’re right. I just can’t get that to sink in that I must accept it and move on and that he won’t change. I think it’s about control, I have an issue with. I can’t understand how I can’t fix something. Probably naïveté on my part too.

Thanks so much for the advice.