Valora,

I know you’re right. I just can’t get that to sink in that I must accept it and move on and that he won’t change. I think it’s about control, I have an issue with. I can’t understand how I can’t fix something. Probably naïveté on my part too.

I do think it’s possible for them to change, though. It’s just going to take work on their part and we really have no way of knowing whether they’ll actually do it. I found out a few months ago my ex is going to counseling, so that’s definitely a step in the right direction for him.  We just have to be sure not to put our lives on hold waiting for anything to change or even waiting for them to come back (as in my case, I don’t know as if he ever will), so that’s where the moving forward comes in to play. It’s just about remaining open to other possibilities with other people once we feel ready for that (in our own time). I still like to believe that if it’s meant to be, our paths will cross again, whenever the timing is more right. If that happens, even if I’ve completely let go and moved forward, the feelings will come back. And if our paths don’t cross, well I wouldn’t want to be with someone I’m not supposed to be with anyway, right?  It’s just kind of about having faith that I’ll find the FEELING that I want again in someone, whether it’s a reconciliation with my ex once we’ve both done our growing or whether it’s with someone entirely new. Either way, the old relationship has to be let go of entirely because that’s in the past now. I think the same probably would apply for you, too.

I had an issue with control too, though. I always wanted to know what was going to happen and when, to the point that I would always read spoilers to movies and TV shows just because I like to know. But life doesn’t give us spoilers, so I had to learn to just go with the flow. I still struggle with it sometimes and that’s when I start feeling anxious, but it feels a lot less stressful and a lot more free when I just surrender control and take life as it comes, without expectations.