John,

I don’t want to interrupt the thoughtful discussion between yourself and Anita I just wanted to let you know I can most definitely relate.

An addiction to a person is a very real thing. When me and my ex boyfriend split up (taking into consideration our split was also based around a traumatic event) I barely got out of bed for 8 weeks. I didn’t eat (I lost 18pounds during this period), I struggled with sleep, I didn’t etntertain communication with anyone. I completely lost myself in the process.

I am eating and sleeping now so I guess a lot of people would say I’m better. I’m not. I struggle every single day. I have just managed to function better. Survive almost.

Me and my ex too had a fantasy relationship. I honestly can’t fault it for anything. We were perfect together. We never argued, the connection between the two of us I truly think is like no other. I don’t believe I will feel that again with another soul. Up until the summer when the trauma occurred, nonetheless it is very hard to let go.. it’s hard to let go of what once was.

I must admit, he has come back in the attempt to reconcile but I am currently dealing with a lot of post-traumatic healing and it is proving difficult to let him back in as he was the main cause of this. We have met up multiple times in the last few weeks and we do indeed bounce back to one another like nothing ever happened. In those times I can absolutely feel the addiction reappear. The following day I can feel myself becoming needy. I want to tell him about every part of my day. I am suddenly motivated to take myself to the gym. Or be extremely friendly at work etc. But I notice this pattern and I absolutely hate it.

I wonder now whether it is love at all. Or just attachment and being completely reliant on someone. It makes me feel like I am loosing control of my life. Like I too need a fix so that I can succeed in life. So I can feel happy again.

I have tried to withdraw from these feelings and learn to not rely or need him so much so that my actual everyday life depends on it but when I do that I feel I am not being true to myself? Almost like I won’t tell him about the events of today because i will fall into a pattern of needing to do this again!

I wonder if these people are good for us at all in the end.. these human addictions.