“This is something you need to forgive yourself for”

I’m trying to.  It is so hard for me not to feel like this was all my doing.  It has gotten me thinking so much about the person i am, then way i behave(d) and other things.  I do know that i did change who I was with her.  I think that is one of the harder things to accept and to be able to forgive.

I just don’t understand how every single day, i think of her.  Why I can’t just let go and be okay with it.  I understand the pedestal thing and mother type figure thing, but still.  I would think with the girlfriend I have now, how much she does love me and shows it, that that would be enough.

I feel like i’m wearing all our your patience thin.  (everyone that has responded).  I am sorry.  I have no where else to turn to.