I feel like i’ve tried everything i can to “move on”.  I’ve tried the “mud balls”, i’ve tried taking her off that pedestal and thinking of all the things she did that hurt me and made me feel second.  I think of how it did feel at the end that she judged me and i felt like I had to change who i was.  I try thinking of what I  have now and how much love is there for me, just waiting for me to embrace it.

It feels like no matter what I do, I end up back in this depression.  this wondering.  yes, this fantasy i’m in.  I even think, its not over,  she will come around sooner or later.  I just have to wait and be patient.  Even though I know that that’s all BS.  I still get those thoughts.   I hate myself for that.  I hate that it feels like every little thing I do, see, hear, whatever reminds me of her.

I want to clarify about the pedestal. When I talked of taking her down from there, I didn’t mean to start thinking about the bad things… because that means you’re still thinking about her, and that isn’t going to help you stop. While thinking about those things can help you get her down from there, once you do take her off, you have to do your best to just curb the thoughts. When they come, you have to let them come into your mind and go right back out without any rumination, and then eventually the thoughts become less and less. If you dwell on them and fight your mind and get frustrated every time you think of her, that’s just holding the thoughts there and making them stronger. You have to let them go out right after they come in, like water flowing through a tunnel, without any struggle… just thoughts passing through, no big deal. And you have to be patient with yourself and know that it’s going to take time and know that you are still going to have bad days where you get upset thinking about her, but those days become fewer and far between the more you work on just letting everything pass through and refocus on everything you like about your life now… and by that I’m also not talking about focusing on your current girlfriend and the love she has for you, because your mind isn’t wanting to grasp that because a whole host of other problems have come with that relationship, so that’s not going to work for you. You have to think about OTHER things that you really like.

Actually, I think part of your biggest problem isn’t your ex… it’s that you are not happy with your life the way it is now, so it might be harder to focus on the good because of that. Instead of thinking about your ex not being in your life or how much your girlfriend loves you and being frustrated with not being able to return that love right now, I would maybe try harder to find new things that would make you happy and also fit into your life as it is now. Maybe pick up a hobby that you really enjoy and you can do while watching your girlfriends kids so that time doesn’t seem so tedious.