Dear Flavia:

Congratulations, by the way, for getting that divorce!

You wrote: “I still demand perfection of myself- sometimes I still act like everything I do will never be good enough”- this is a habit-of-the-mind, a mental habit. You are used to think and feel this way, so you keep thinking and feeling this way.

“Will  I ever find someone who can appreciate who I am?” – I think it is very possible.

Your ex husband, he decided early on to place you in that less-than spot in the marriage, and himself in the way-way-more spot, the superior spot in the marriage. That was convenient for him,  what he wanted, not  because you were less than him but because  he needed you to be that. And  you cooperated with his cruel plan, making it the reality of the marriage.

You need a man who has no  such plan. Get  to know the man first, before getting  emotionally invested, look for such a possible need to  put others down so to make himself feel better, in  control, in power. If you notice such inclination, end the beginning relationship immediately. Look for a man who will be genuinely kind to you.

anita