Dear  Lily:

“I try to be kind to people”- problem is that believing you are bad, that  is, harmful to people, you are kind  to people by warning them about you, so that they stay away. You warn people of your badness and the damage yet to come to them if they associate with you.

It really doesn’t matter so much what you told  K last. The problem is bigger than the last communication with him. Even if your last communication with him was  encouraging, your “‘I am a bad person’.. mantra” was going to catch up with you soon enough and rain on your parade, so to speak.

So look at the bigger picture, calm down best you can, re-read what I wrote to you here on this page, and later, take  notes regarding  previous posts I wrote to you, learn what  there is to learn.

And post again anytime.

anita