Dear Anita,

that’s okay (: I awoke this morning feeling rather down but managed to get a shower, so I think the emotional rollercoaster has nearly come to an end. However, one key thing that’s been on my mind is that one reason I was hesitant to try again with my bf is because he, along with my mum are part of a chapter in my life where I wasn’t the best version of myself, lacking in confidence and more susceptible to put up with emotional abuse. But it was my bf who has helped me become a better version.

However, I broke up with him because I felt all this stress around our relationship because of the tension that was still there which was coming from my mum disliking him. The logical thing to do would be cut ties with my family and for my bf to be my family as it were. I tried this a little bit but then I felt overwhelmed and like I only had one person I could count on in the whole world and my mind spiralled into worrying that I wouldn’t cope without them etc So my action of dumping him was part of a cross-fire of me just wanting a new start.

Now I feel like due to this ultimatum I have rushed back into things and even though I do not mind this on one hand, the rushing is bringing a lot of stress back into the back of my mind.

Part of me feels like I would be better off with none of them in my life, but that is unfair on someone who loves me deeply and also it would be denying myself happiness.

I have a concert this weekend which is my first opportunity to do something out of my comfort zone and should remind myself I can do stuff without relying on others. This is something that is important for me to learn as I have never had a lot of friends and therefore I dont want to feel reliant on others, also my younger self was brave and would do what she wanted, I’m trying to get back to that person rather than being sad, anxious and wanting to hide from the world.

– V