Dear Tristan:

Mindfulness is a great place to start and I am glad you got the audio book that Peter recommended to  you.

Congratulations by the way for kicking your weed habit!

Regarding your fear of the recent ex, my following observation may help- or  not- regarding this fear: in your original post you wrote regarding your recent ex: “I told  my ex when we met that  I didn’t feel ready, told her of my past, my issues and  how hard it would be for me. She assured me that it wouldn’t be like that with her and I caved”-

You told her about your past and issues because you thought of her as someone capable to help you overcome  those issues, as if she was a qualified therapist or a person mature and healthy and capable to help you with your issues and  bring about that healthy relationship you desire.

I figure you put her on a pedestal, giving her the  information you thought she needed so to make things okay. I have done something very similar myself, feeling so incapable myself that I viewed  others, wrongly, as  capable.

anita