Hi Anita,

Thank you for your reply.  I do plan to better myself and work on my issues. God knows it’s a struggle.

I know you can only go based on what I’ve told you, but I’ve also left out little details or else I would have written a novel. When he was telling me it won’t work he mentioned that every time his phone buzzed I asked him who it was or if it’s a girl, I assume that bothered him since brought it up. But I thought it was a joke between us! Because his phone buzzed at 3am once and I asked who is texting you this late, I felt it’s a valid question because at that point we’d talked about how we wanted a serious relationship and how we both weren’t speaking to anyone else  moreover he has informed me that he deleted his dating app that we met on because he found me. He said he was just plugging in his charger. So it sort of became a joke, so we would every so often ask each other  that when we heard the phone beeped as a joke  or atleast I thought was a joke.  To be honest the only reason I’m questioning contacting him is because he accepted one of my insecurities that he didn’t even know I have.  I’ve gained some weight since my last break up. He’s a very fit guy and I didn’t think he would like me but after we met he told me he found me very attractive and he wants me to stay the way I am and don’t worry about losing weight and all or stress about it.   It was so refreshing to hear that when all the men I’ve recently talked to have told me things like “you would look hotter if you lost a few pounds” (yes a jerk actually said that to me).  I’ve been insecure about my weight since I was in high school.  I lost a lot of weight, so gaining some back has been devastating for me.  I liked that he didn’t seem to care and told me I’m beautiful.  We also have similar life views and life styles.  What we want in the future, the end goals, how we would eventually want to raise a family. We had a lot of good things going. Chemistry was there, I’m very much attracted to him as well, and as you already know we can talk for hours and not run out of things to say.  I just feel if I reacted differently when he told me let’s move plans from Tuesday to Wednesday it would be different. I unconsciously assume that he didn’t like me and is trying to cut ties and I put up a wall and don’t want to get hurt, that’s why I told him let’s take things slow. Which he said why? And was confused that I decided not to come over and called me dramatic. But it was me just trying not to get hurt again.  He had mentioned the day before, wow that’s a lot of days we are spending together, you will get bored of me. So maybe that scared him? I also feel like I shouldn’t have invited him to my friends thanksgiving, although I left the choice to him I think he liked me and felt pressured into saying yes.  When he was “breaking up” with me (at least that’s what it felt like) he said it’s too much pressure and I feel like we’ve been dating for years.  I think everything on top of our like phone arguement just made him snap and question everything.   Although I do agree that he could have taken a moment to think about stuff and not made a hasty decision but that would be the pot calling the kettle black.  Deleting me off Instagram was childish, especially if it’s not your real account, he just posts pictures of things none of himself but why block me?  I know it seems as if I’m defending him, perhaps I am, but I can’t figure out  if I want to contact him because he truly hit a cord in my heart or because I’m lonely. I’ve thought about him nonstop the past two days and I’ve been thinking about emailing him. I feel a little misunderstood because I was “dramatic” to him  I want to explain my side of what caused me to act that way. I won’t except anything but just to be understood better. In your opinion do you think that’s a good idea or what are your thought after you read this?