Dear Jean:

Maybe you can apologize to her just once (not “over and over again”) for the ways you did “act out in ways that were wrong”. Be specific regarding those ways, not vague.

Next do what you can to lessen your anxiety and the resulting focus on her and what she is doing or not. Maybe quality psychotherapy if you can afford it and if it is available for you. If not, maybe a support group that meets in person weekly or so.

I wish you peace of mind and hope things will work out for you.

anita