Hi Anita,

I’m glad you understand what it’s like to be from such a culture and what this pressure entails. Wish you and I or anyone for that matter didn’t have to go through such cultural pressures. The only thing you can do is learn from your past experiences, which it seems like you did, it’s a tough thing to go throug I’m sure. One thing that I’ve always told myself is that I will never give in to such pressures and settle for someone just because I’m “old” by society standards. I still want to feel in love, appreciated, protected and most important of all, happy. 

My parents and I have conversations all the time. By parents I mean my mother and I, as fathers in my culture don’t really speak to their daughters about their personal life as much, at least not in my house. I do live with them, as it’s culturally appropriate till I get married.  I don’t have any restrictions, I come and go as I please.  They know I date, they don’t meet everyone I date.  Believe it or not, I’ve never introduced any man to my parents.  I’ve told them about a few serious relationships I’ve had, my moms spoken to one or two of them on the phone/FaceTime but haven’t met anyone in person. My parents also try to introduce me to men, as we call them “rishtas”. Where a family member or friend referred a guy and his family seeking a match for their son or daughter, an arranged marriage if you would.  However, in my case we would get to go out and see if we are comparable and take our time to decide, but it would definitely move at a much faster pace than an average relationship. But the problem with these rishtas is the men my parents show me are no where near my type.  I am not the least bit attracted to them.  It’s not like I am vain or didn’t give it a shot. For example with this one guy I who I was not attracted to at all but decided to get to know because everything else was there that I wanted.  We went out many times but nothing sparked for me. I tried. My parents often make me feel guilty when I turn someone down.  My mom sometimes has used harsh words against me such as “ you’re no super model” and “you should take what you can get”.  I’m not sure if she means those things or says it out of frustration.  She also constantly tells me to lose weight and maybe I’ll find a better guy.  Maybe that’s where my insecurity about my weight comes from.  In Indian culture thin women are the definition of beauty.  My mother has always been thin her entire life and sometimes she hardly eats so she doesn’t gain weight.  I don’t want to do that to myself. I love food and enjoy going out. I try and eat healthy at times and exercise but don’t make it my priority. If it was affecting my health I would,  I’m a healthy person per my doctor.  Yes, I could lose weight and be skinny, but I’ve tried to do that my entire life and I’m just tired of it.  I don’t want to try anymore. I want to just live my life now as I am, and it I lose it in my routine then so be it.  

I think one of the biggest issues I have with dating is that I get so involved with the person fast.  They also reciprocate the feelings, but when they pull back even a little bit, I start overthinking and over analyzing and I start to ruin everything.  I also just have tunnel vision about getting married, probably because that’s all my parents and family think/talk about.  I also think it’s because that’s what I want deep down as well but I want it with the right person, not just for the sake of getting married. 

The Relationship Resume is a great name! Everyone should have one. My objective of a relationship is to feel loved. For so long I’ve had a void in my heart, I’ve felt like no one is my person, no one is truly there for me, no one truly has loved me and no one has understood who I am as a person. I want someone that won’t play games, is mature and ready to settle down, eventually get married and wants kids. I always do so much more than others do for me in a relationship.  I want to have someone to do the simple things with like go to the movies, dinner, stay in and watch tv, lay in bed and cuddle. I want a partner to travel the world with because I love to travel. I want someone who is financially secure or at least has potential. I want someone who will accept me as the person I am and be loyal, caring, family oriented and honest.    I want someone who has a bright personality and doesn’t anger easily, someone who will ask me what’s wrong when I’m upset.