Shelby,

You are absolutely right. I mean his mum and dad have been welcoming and are glad that I am back in their lives. I had no choice but to see/speak to them as he lives with them. Everyone else is all too much for me. His sister for me played a big role in the events of the summer and as a result left a sour taste. I genuinely do not wish to have a relationship with her and I have expressed this to my ex. I assured that I would be civil, a simple Hi and Bye will be sufficient – he agreed. But yesterday all got a bit too much for me and today as I think of the events of yesterday I just feel even more defeated.

His mum also txt me last night saying that I should’ve just come in, it wasn’t a problem and that I should come back. I simply said another time..

I know his sister is happy with herself as she has the upper hand now. She knows that I felt vulnerable and pushed into a corner yesterday, a big reminder of exactly how I felt back in the summer. It’s awful and has completely made me withdraw. I went home and sobbed my eyes out yesterday suddenly feeling so small, just like I did over the summer and + had all the emotions which were brought up from my therapy session hours earlier.

Despite the many texts he sent me last night saying he would like for me to come back and that the situation has been blown out of proportion and that he doesn’t want me to sit in anxiety by myself I have chosen to ignore. I am not ready to speak with him because it will be like verbal diarrhoea of how he failed me YET AGAIN!!! I understand perhaps he didn’t mean to fail me and his good intentions were there but it just didn’t workout as planned.

I wish I was as strong as you and just got on with moving on with my life.. It appears nothing big enough ever happens for me to actually say to myself ‘No, enough is enough, no more trying!’. It was a hell of a lot easier when he just walked away and was adamant that we will never work again. I wish he did the same now..

Also, thank you for your kind words. I can’t quite associate all those things with myself right now. I used to always be this strong almost mouthy woman who stood her ground at all times and feeling so small last night has reminded me just how much I have changed. I hate the woman I have become.

Anyway enough about me. How are YOU today?! It’s Friday!